Confessions

I had one year when we were BROKE!!! BROKE!!! and our middle son's b-day rolled around in Sept. (and we just didn't mention it....) then in about oct. when he realized...

"HEY! When was my birthday?!

We told him he was born on a leap year and that we only celebrate every 4 years!" - He was only about 5 at the time...so...he bought it :)

YEP - I'm goin to HELL! -Michelle in Florida

To my 15 yr old sons....

I may have mentioned that they had a distant cousin who was allergic to marijuana...

he was a good kid...

but got caught up in the peer pressure thing..

tried it one time and dropped dead....

the poor guy didn't have a chance cause there was no way he could have known as there is no test....

you just drop dead your first try....

Oh and I may have mentioned that this particular allergy is hereditary.....

you just never know....

yep.. I am goin to Hell.

My son came to me this morning with a question.

He LOVES to try to stump you or make you uncomfortable with his questions…

This little snot is too smart for his own good.. but luckily for me, he is also kinda gullible.

“Mom” He said…

“Why should people not have sex before they are married?”

We have had this talk before because I do have 2 teenage boys in the house I have explained our beliefs, What God says about it, the problems of teen parenthood, STD’s etc… I didn’t have the strength to go into it all again this morning….

So what did I say??

"No one should have sex before they are married because if you have sex before you are married you get “stuck” just like the dogs do. How would you explain that to your mother?!?!?" "Now go get your shoes on before you miss the bus!"

For the first time in his life He walked away speechless

my 15 yr old son was having trouble with his algebra homework. I decided I would help him.

(dad was not home.. he is the math-helper)

I quickly realized what he was doing wrong and we spent the next hour changing every answer on his homework. I explained how to do the problems... we worked and worked at it until he understood the right way to do this type of problem....

When they graded the homework.. he missed every single question... The ones we erased.. were right the first time. oops! (I didn't know you could actually get a 20 on a paper!)

Had one Easter where the Easter Bunny WAY overslept and plastic eggs had to be chucked into the yard. But.. that beat the year we used real dyed eggs and plastic ones filled with candy anywhoo... by the time the kids could go outside (cause DAD insisted on eating breakfast first) all eggs were covered with fire ants - Yippee!

M- Florida

Tonight my 7-year-old daughter was taking a bath with several of her Barbies, and she playfully told me about a "real ghost" that must live in the bathroom bc one of her Barbies had just moved slightly, without her touching it. I said, "Oooh, scary!" and she said, "Seriously, Mom, there really is a ghost in here!" with a twinkle in her eye. So I left the bathroom and proceeded to spy on her, waiting for her to turn her back to me so I could sneak into the bathroom and lay beside the bathtub to play a little prank on her...

Our bathtub happens to be deep enough so that she couldn't see me laying there, so I silently reached up and pushed a Barbie off into the tub. She put it back carefully and went back to playing. Again, I reached up and pushed the same Barbie back into the tub, along with another one. I heard her pause, then pick up the Barbies quickly and set them firmly down onto the side of the tub. I did the same thing a third time, only I pushed them more forcefully, all the while laughing so hard between clenched lips so I wouldn't be heard, and that's when I heard her scream, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!" I sat up so that she could see me, and she started crying from fright, bc truly she thought there really WAS a ghost in the bathroom. I did apologize, but she refused to be left in the bathroom alone after that. :(

Paulette in Nebraska

Often I'll have one of my little ones pipe up and say "I don't like that!" casserole...veggie...etc.

I then tell them it's the very favorite of someone they look up too - "Oh really? Wow that's weird because it's Mickey Mouses favorite food!" or "Maybe you're just not old enough to enjoy it...babies usually don't like it...I thought you'd be old enough...hmmm."

Works every time :)

M - Florida

My daughter (aka the little foreman in pink) wants pancakes for breakfast this morning.... I decided I'm too busy cleaning the kitchen from last-nights birthday party to make pancakes... So she got plain old toast cut up w/ syrup They are NOW called "Mommy's Special Pancakes"!

I took worker #1 (15 yr old son) to get his driving permit.

This is a very exciting and important time in a young mans life.

He plans for it.

He dreams about it.

It's his path to freedom.

It's their way to manhood. (or so they think)

He studied for his test.

He took countless online practice tests.

He was ready.

He was excited.

and...

Mom (aka ME) couldnt find his Social Security card. (I last used it to enroll him in school. I have every other childs card BUT worker #1's!!)

I went to the Social Security office. (the DPS said the paper from Social Security wouldn't do, they need the card.)

Filled out the paperwork...

and have to wait for it to come in the mail.

3-4 weeks.

I suck. - Dana

I was out shopping for groceries with youngest daughter. She out of the blue says " mom why dont boys have to wipe when they pee"? I with out hesitations said, " well i guess cause they basically have a straw they pee thru and you dont need to wipe the end of a straw do you? "

well she left it alone, til we got home. Oldest daughter and youngest ASKED again in front of daddy this time.. We handled it the same only hubby added " see we just shake and get the pee all over the seat for you to sit in" LAUGHING as he said it, and they were grossed out!

Then youngest says " but mom said it was like a straw, but it must be a bumpy straw cause at the water park we seen a boy pull his pants down and it was all bumpy!" lmao we left it alone and told them to go wash their hands for dinner!!!

WHEW>. i dont know where to go with that one!!!

-Anonymous

My 7 yr old lost his tooth and Mrs. Tooth Fairy thought Mr. Tooth Fairy had visited and visa versa. The next morning the mandchild was crying saying that the tooth fairy had forgotten him. I told him it was probably just a busy night and if he'd sleep past 7am the tooth fairy might have time to visit him. The next morning he woke up to $5. Yep I'm a bad mommy,

-m~ (central ark)

My 7-yr-old puts her seatbelt on every day. Today she "couldn't" and we were arguing about it for about three miles when I decided to stop at the stop sign a little suddenly. Who knew that she would come flying up into the front two seats! Crying her head off, of course, and me about to turn myself over to the police. She just didn't feel well and wanted some help. Now she has a big bruise on her leg thanks to me. I suck.

-Anonymous

My three year old son was home sick from pre-school. I was working from home as usual. Remembered that I needed to run to the store to get some things for dinner.

I left the house made it all the way to the store before I remembered he was home asleep in his bed.

Yep.. I forgot my kid!!

Dana in Texas

My Son was about 6 months old and just beginning to crawl when he got ahold of something that belonged to big sister (age 3). Sister was Not Happy, complaining and complaining about brother. I'd had it that day and said "Okay, that's it, we're just gonna have to sell him to the Gypsies!" Sister immediately decided that she wanted him (as I had hoped & expected) and I assured her we'd keep him. The unexpected part was little brother looking and looking up at me with his big blue eyes and I knew immediately that (unexpectedly!) he understood too!

-Cindy in PA

Early one saturday morning, I was scheduled to make a 4 stop, 60 mile road trip. Woke up early, got started on the trip. The previous night, my Significant Other had taken the kids to Grandma's. 90 minutes into my 3-hour trip, I remember that SO took *2* kids to Grandma's, and I was *supposed* to take the youngest with me on my trip. 30 minutes later, I arrive home, and Youngest is still asleep in her crib.

-Anonymous

I realize this is for Mums but as a Dad I have a confession to make too... I work from home and one day my youngest son just wouldn't stop crying, not tears or anything but a constant whine. After 3 hours of cuddles, sitting on my lap, playing with him, distraction, 2 attempts to get him to have a nap, checking nappies, offering water and fruit and he STILL wouldn't stop... well, I snapped and shouted at him really loudly - "Will you please be quiet!!"

I felt dreadful and sooo guilty for the rest of the day, and, naturally it just made a bad situation worse. I've never raised my voice to my children since

-Anonymous DAD

One Friday last fall, I went to pick up my son after school. I usually greet other parents in the play yard before the kids come out, but I got there early, so I sat on the step and called my sister in law. We talked for a good ten or fifteen minutes before I noticed that I didn't see any other parents.

Just then, someone came out of the school, so I asked where the kids were. She gave me a horrified look, and said, "Ma'am--there was an early dismissal today!"

I started to panic--where was my boy!? So, I ran to the afterschool program he goes to on Monday-THursday. And there he was. I didn't show up to pick him up, so he just went to the afterschool program.

Whew.

So, on the way home, I talked to my son about how if there's ever a half day on a Friday, he should call me if I don't show up. And, I asked him to remind me about when there is a half day, because mommies sometimes forget to read the memos. But, I promised him that I was not going to forget him again.

The next week, I was at the library working on a paper, when I get a call from the office--"Ma'am, we're here in the office with your son. It was a half day today, did you know that?"

I could hear my son in the background, telling the principal (in an exasperated voice), "I knew she'd forget."

-Anonymous

Last week, my 4 year old daughter was complaining that she didn't want to walk down the stairs. I told her jokingly that if she didn't come down the stairs, I'd drag her down by her feet. She thought that was funny, and asked me to do it!

Being a little ornery myself, I did--I dragged her down the stairs by her feet (gently, of course) --we laughed and thought it was hysterical.

Today, my daughter's pre-school teacher approached me and told me that my little one has been telling everyone who will listen that her mother dragged her down the stairs.

Imagine the headline "Former child welfare social worker drags children down the stairs"

--Amy in PA

My son lost his third tooth. I was tired. My husband did not double check with me regarding the tooth fairy visit. When my son woke up about 6am in the morning, he came to our room distraught that the tooth fairy hadn't come during the night.

I told him to crawl up in bed with me and snuggle. I waited patiently until he fell asleep, then stealthily moved away from him and out of the bed. I found a tiny sheet of paper and wrote with my left hand (I'm a righty):

Sorry late.

Got wing caught in window frame.

Had to go to doctor.

I added his money and crawled back into bed next to him.

He woke up, checked again and brought the note to me. I read it to him and he nearly cried because he was so worried about whether or not the tooth fairy was alright.

Sherrie in IA

This Christmas was hard. I wrecked my car and my hubbie's car broke down. We spent all the money we had on a rental car. Not only did we not have much money, but it was difficult to get to the store. I found out the week before Christmas that my youngun' wanted a teddy bear and a baby doll from Santa. Knowing that we couldn't purchase those items so close to Christmas, (We had finished shopping in November.) I told my little one that Santa Claus needed that baby doll and teddy bear for another child who didn't have one and that he would drop them off later for her birthday. She believed it.

I don't feel guilty at all. She's already had her birthday, and Santa did drop them off.

-Anonymous

My oldest son is in Kindergarten. I'm new to the whole, staying on top of everything, knowing when picture day is, or show & tell... So one morning I overslept by about a half hour, had to get the other two kids woke up and into the car to take him to school.

We get to the school, I drop him off, watch him walk to the door like I always do, and waved goodbye.

20 minutes later while I'm sippin' coffee at home, I get a call from Highway Patrol saying my little boy is walking along the road toward home. I am freaking out, I could not figure out why he would do that, the cop is telling me he's going home... there is no school today ma'am. I swore there were cars allover the parking lot! And the only reason there were no other parents or kids around, was because not everyone is as lazy and sleepy as me and brings their child to school late.

Anyway believe it or not, I face an investigation to make sure no more CHILD NEGLECT happens! I hate the state.

--Anonymous

This happened three days after my younger son was born (my 4th day with virtually no sleep). I was on my way to the store, thinking about what I needed to buy and all the housework that needed to get done. When I got there, I got my list, wallet, drink, prescriptions that I needed filled, and sunglasses and got out of the car. As I was walking across the crowded parking lot I had the strange feeling that I was forgetting something. And then I remembered, oh yeah, my baby. I had only walked about 50 feet or so but I was so embarrassed. I left and went back 20 minutes later because I didn't want any of the people in the store to recognize me as the mom who almost forgot her baby in the car.

--Anonymous

My son had been constipated for days and was uncomfortable. I gave him an OTC stool softener and kept him home from school to wait it out. After a few more days, it began working a bit but never to the extent that I thought it would. I couldn't keep him from activities forever so I headed out for his gymnastics class. I brought my babies diaper bag but nver thought to put in any supplies for the older child. Well, kow and behold, we had "an incident" right at the gym and I had to ask another mom for a spare pair of underpant. OF course she was a good mom and actually had some just for any accidents that might arise. I will never leave the house without a spare again...well, until he's in high school I guess.

--Anonymous